When we were preparing for Nick's arrival, I wrote about the time between being pregnancy and delivery:
http://steppingwiththestones.weebly.com/blog/the-time-between I feel like we are entering into the "time between" again. In a few weeks we will go from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I don't think I've had much time to think about what that really means or looks like. I think it's going to rock our world a little bit. I want the time with just Nick to slow down and at the same exact same I want it to speed up so we can meet this little miracle girl babe that we were told to prepare for a miscarriage about. The time between is so different this time. There aren't pregnancy or baby name books scattered around. There's not an excercise ball in the middle of the living room that I'm using daily to try to make baby come sooner. There isn't a finished nursery with boxes and boxes of diapers waiting for baby (although she does have double the clothes Nick had at this point already). There is actually a lot of chaos. To be fair, we chose some of it, but still chaos. Austin is out of state, I'm (trying to) holding down the fort here. It's so exhausting this pregnant. Nick is at such a fun stage and he's constantly talking and on the move I don't have the same time to think about pregnancy and delivery. I'm trying to keep up feeling incredibly huge and not fun (Austin is definetely the fun adventurous parent).We have rooms torn apart, we aren't settled on a name, and overall there's a sense of unpreparedness for baby #2. Despite the chaos there's lots of anticipation, joy, and a twinge of sadness. I can't imagine sharing my time and attention with another baby. Throughout the next 4-5 weeks I want to create as much magic as possible for Nick. There's probably been some "spoiling," extra long bedtime routines, more ice cream, trips to the splash pad...this time with Nick means so much to me and I'm sad thinking about it coming to an end. I'm anticipating changes in our marriage and friend groups. I'm sure it will be even harder to balance my identity as a mom with my identity as all the other things I was created to do. Yet I'm joyful thinking about fresh baby snuggles, gassy smiles, and tiny clothes. One thing has remained the same about both of these times: I have no control of when this baby comes. We aren't sure if she's coming on her own or via c-section because of being breech. I have to trust God's timing and my doctor's direction. This is the hardest part of life for me, the whole control thing. But also the best because I'm humbled and forced to ask for help. There's so much more I want to say but honestly have had trouble writing/speaking at a socially acceptable pace because my brain feels like complete mush by this time at night. Baby girl, my prayer remains the same as it did for your brother. I pray for endurance and wonder as we wait for you. You were worth every blood draw, ultrasound, glucose test, and new stretch mark. I pray you are confident, nurturing, bold, and sincere. I love you so much already. Sweet Nick, you've taught me big things about joy, fun, patience, and faith. I'm trying to genuinely embrace the time we have before your sister is here (these nightly bedtime protests aren't my favorite though). I love you so much and hope this transition brings joy and teaches you empathy. The past year and a half has brought fulfilled prayers and so many blessings. So many thanks to those who walk with us in this time between. Friends help provide daycare for Nick, a sister comes and mops my floor on her hands and knees, parents come over and provide extra hands and meals, and the lawn is taken care of. I'm thankful (and emotional). The time between. Wholly necessary, sometimes painful, but completely worth it.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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