I found myself referring to this week as h-e-double hockey sticks-week as I was talking with a friend on the phone earlier tonight. Yes, it truly has been that bad. I'm talking permanent marker on new car seats, throwing computers, and several reminders that "I don't have to listen to you because you're not my real mom," type of conversations.
Trauma is rearing its ugly head and is attempting to steal our little guy's joy and peace (ours too). This is something we were expecting a few days into the Kindergarten transition, not an entire week before. Ready or not, it came and we were all on edge about tonight's orientation at the school. We find his locker first, which was an instant game changer. He's stoked. Shortly after, we meet his teacher, who God brought all the way from North Carolina to teach in our little town this year, accent and all. She radiates charm and nurture. Provision. We get things shorted out in the classroom and the boys are on their way to scope out the playground while I figure out the busing situation. I was worried about this part. Mr. T is a foster kiddo who still has visits with his parents, 2 foster parents working full time, and the occasional after school day care drop off. I apprehensively walk up to the table with my schedules and start explaining. The woman working the table is a foster mom licensed through the same agency as us. She says "Don't worry, I got this." Provision Mr. T leaves the playground without an problems, despite not being able to test out the swings. Provision. Our God is so much bigger than this transition and He is a God of provision. Please, continue to hold us in prayer as we know there are bigger decisions that will have lasting impact made next month. Jermey Camp's song, Same Power is constantly on my heart as we journey. I can see Waters raging at my feet I can feel The breath of those surrounding me I can hear The sound of nations rising up We will not be overtaken We will not be overcome I can walk Down this dark and painful road I can face Every fear of the unknown I can hear All God's children singing out We will not be overtaken We will not be overcome The same power that rose Jesus from the grave The same power that commands the dead to wake Lives in us, lives in us The same power that moves mountains when He speaks The same power that can calm a raging sea Lives in us, lives in us He lives in us, lives in us We have hope That His promises are true In His strength There is nothing we can't do Yes, we know There are greater things in store We will not be overtaken We will not be overcome The same power that rose Jesus from the grave The same power that commands the dead to wake Lives in us, lives in us The same power that moves mountains when He speaks The same power that can calm a raging sea Lives in us, lives in us He lives in us, lives in us Greater is He that is living in me He's conquered our enemy No power of darkness No weapon prevails We stand here in victory The same power that rose Jesus from the grave The same power that commands the dead to wake Lives in us, lives in us The same power that moves mountains when He speaks The same power that can calm a raging sea Lives in us, lives in us He lives in us, lives in us
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Last weekend Austin and I had the opportunity to head over the bridge to explore some of the U.P. On the second night of our "just us" adventure, we scored an incredible campsite overlooking Lake Superior. We spotted two perfect hammock trees and were able to sit and watch day turn into night for about two hours. During this time, we didn't talk a whole lot. One conversation was about the pros and cons of keeping our pup, Bear. The other was acknowledging how weird it was to sit and do absolutely nothing. We came to the realization as time goes on, we are slowly forgetting how to "just be" or "just be just us." We fully knew life would be busy entering marriage, and we know we chose a lot of our busy with school, home ownership, a puppy, fostering, and growing our family. We wouldn't trade any of those things. What we didn't know is how hard it would be to reflect, refresh, and "just be." I am so surprised at how uncomfortable 4 days of nothing was. Not uncomfortable as in bad, but as in vulnerable. Who are we when we aren't maintaining a home, two livings things, and jobs? Are those things the only things defining us? It's time to dig deeper, to learn how to carve out time to be, and be us; the individuals and couple God created us to be. For us, it comes down to forgetting the importance of Sabbath. We haven't been intentional in taking Sabbath and we definitely see the impact it has on our lives. Mr. T often has visits on Saturdays and Sundays and we find ourselves cramming in as much as we can in 4 kidless hours. We often start new weeks completely exhausted from playing catchup/traveling on the weekends. We are striving to live a better story, one defined by the same Creator who created the whole Earth in 6 days, saw that it was good, and then rested. Sometimes I think I forget to look around and claim the things in my life good, not good enough, but fully good. Sometimes to see the fully good, you have to just be. Being is so difficult in a culture that tells you to be constantly connected to media and phones, one that tells us to work harder and longer, and to be constantly doing more. I find myself "white knuckling" life a lot of the time. Control and I, we have being going steady for quite some time. Unfortunately Control often likes to control me and strip me of my ability to be all of who God created me to be. Just this weekend, we went to a beautiful wedding at a castle, Mr. T's first wedding. We had a lot of pre-wedding conversations about appropriate behavior. The day came and I was nervous, "white knuckling" ensued. Was he quiet enough during the ceremony? Too crazy on the dance floor? At one point, I was ready to pack up and head out. And then my superhero husband stepped in and took the lead. I was able to see the beauty of the evening. Two of our cousins committed the rest of their lives to each other. Mr. T was dancing with other kids, and no one was crying. We had the chance to see family we only get to see a few times a year. It was good. Thankfully God gives us countless chances to practice "just being" at the dawn of every new morning. My phone was dead the morning after the wedding, an unexpected blessing. I woke at lake house in the same room with both of my boys, enjoyed a calm boat ride around the lake, and had smooth travel home with a pit stop full of uncontrollable laughter due to being slap happy. Back to the trip. We didn't have service except during the last leg. I didn't pack any games or books (this was not intentional, we also only had two matches packed). We had a tent, a hammock, our bikes, and 4 legs. My goodness, we even slept in the back of the Prius one night. And you know what, we learned. The Prius sleepover night, we had a chance to talk about the possible reasons God made Austin short. Seriously, I don't know what I would have done if I had a tall husband that night. It was freezing cold being on Lake Superior, our air mattress had a hole in it, and my husband was willing to crawl into the back of a Prius so his pregnant, tired wife could get sleep. These are the type of conversations we have been missing. The ones where we reflect on who we are, apart from everything else except Christ as the center of who we are. For me, it's clear that when I take Sabbath without my phone or work bag, in creation, without a to-do list or something to control, I am reminded of who I really am, and learn more about who God is shaping me to be. It's hard and vulnerable, which both happen to be great teachers and growers. |
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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