As many of you have realized, I haven’t changed my name since getting married to Mr. Austin Stone. I’ve received texts, Facebook messages, and verbal reminders to “change my last name” as if I had forgotten.
Friends, I didn’t forget. Changing my last name was something that Austin and I had talked about before getting married. Initially, I easily agreed to become a Stone, but as the wedding day inched forward, I kept pushing it backward. I came up with a few good reasons to stall the process including, “Well, I should just graduate first, it will take too much work to change my transcripts,” and then after graduating, “Let’s just wait until my license comes, I will just change everything at once.” A lot of people thought it was the feminist in me to keep my last name, which may be partly true, but it is so much more than that. I didn’t realize the loss that would come with a name change. And this is the funny thing about grief, it never goes away. Stegeman has been my last name for the past 23 years, and Stegeman was my last name when my brother Nick died. Stegeman was and is something that connects me to my brother. I clearly remember my first day of freshman year sitting in Spanish class with juniors and seniors. We went around the room and said our first and last names. Haley Stegeman. Someone pulled me aside after class and said, “Hey you’re Nick’s sister.” My eyes stung with tears. Someone remembered. All throughout high school my brother’s friends looked out for me because I was a Stegeman. Our church prayed for “The Stegemans.” Our schools packed lunches and brought meals for “The Stegemans.” Our community rallied around “The Stegemans.” I had a village because I was a Stegeman. Being a Stegeman was always something I was proud of and still am. Being a Stegeman is something I have always thanked God for. I have two parents that have preserved through the valleys, and one hilarious sister who finds joy and life despite significant and repeated loss. I couldn’t imagine not being a Stegeman. To me, changing my name felt like another loss. That in changing my last name, I would no longer be connected to my brother, and I no longer was going to be part of the family that walked through grief into hope. It’s been 10 months since Austin and I got married. I have learned so much, including the importance of unity. I want my family to have the same sense of unity and pride in being a Stone as I did in being a Stegeman. Operation navigate Secretary of State and change my last name will commence in the very near future. I cannot wait to see what Stone has in store for me and the village that will come alongside of us.
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On the morning of our Ann Arbor move, we decided to sell our dining room table due to lack of room for it in the trailer. Once our offer was accepted for the house we are living in now, we started looking for a new one. We went to a few furniture stores and quickly realized that new was going to be out of the question. Who knew dining room tables and chairs could total over $2,000? Definitely not in the post-grad school budget, or in Austin's words, "Not in life's budget, ever." So, I started scouring Craiglist and saw an ad for this table: I loved the shape of the chairs and thought I could use a DIY project to occupy myself for the additional, unexpected two weeks off before starting my job. I took Austin along to the seller's house so he could handle the "wheeling and dealing." Austin handles this much better than I do. He was able to knock $50 off the asking price and we hauled the table away. My mom and I started by re-doing the chairs and the table legs. She was self-appointed as the project supervisor from this point on. We made our own chalk paint with ingredients we already had in the basement because the pre-made paint is quite pricey! We used the following chalk paint recipe: 1/3 cup plaster of paris 1/3 cup warm water 1 cup flat white paint It took 3 coats of paint to get the chairs from this: To this: After the 3rd coat was completely dry, I used sand paper to lightly distressed each chair. I used cheese cloth to rub Trewax on the chairs to finish them off. Remember those awful chair cushions? That was the next step in the project. I headed to Jo-Ann's with my grandma and my 40% off coupon and I ended up getting all of the fabric for less than $12. The cushions were by fair the easiest part of the project. We just pulled the old staples out, took off the old fabric (only to discover another layer of awful fabric), put on the new, and stapled it down with a dust cover. Result: Next on the to-do list was stripping the top of the table. THIS WAS THE WORST. And I wanted to give up on the project so badly but the project supervisor wouldn't have it. This went from a DIY to a DIWYWF (Do it with your whole family) project. Sadly, I accidentally deleted all of the pictures from this part of the project which included shirtless Steve in his Tiger's pajamas taking over the project and me in hot pink Crocs.
Weeks later, thanks to my family, friends, and husband, we ended up with a pretty awesome dining room table. The search for new curtains and a rug for underneath the table has commenced. We would love for you to come enjoy dinner with us! Simply put, life has been incredibly chaotic the past two weeks. I (finally) started my new job. The first few days on the job I was in Mt. Pleasant for a New Employee Orientation and then drove to Frankenmuth for the rest of the week to attend a conference on Trauma-Informed Care and Nurtured Heart (which is an excellent parenting approach if you are looking for one). Week two started off with a bang as met all of my new colleagues and entered a child's home to provide therapy for the first time. The second half of the week I was in Midland attending a Rational Living Therapy training. I can breathe tonight. A lot of "firsts" are under my belt. Everyone in the office is nice, I wasn't asked to leave my first home, and I was provided the opportunity to expand my knowledge by attending a handful of excellent trainings. At the RLT training, a concept was introduced that I had never heard of. Magic Worry. A simple concept, but one that I hadn't given much thought. Often times we use worry to try to protect ourselves from something that we do not want to happen, and we think that because we have worried and that something hasn't happened, it's magic, and we will continue to use worry to protect us from our somethings. I am a worrier. The older I get the more I worry. And for years, I have believed that worrying has protected me from all the things I fear happening. An example: The Sunday night before my first day on the job, I booked a hotel in Mt. Pleasant because I was worried I would be late if I wasn't a mile drive away. I was worried my alarm wouldn't go off, or I would get a flat tire, or I wouldn't be able to find the building, or, or, or. The speaker provided a lot of suggestions on how to bust the myth of magic worry and begin thinking rationally. Believe it or not, as I left the training, I was already worrying about how I was going to stop worrying. How silly. I have forgotten where my peace comes from. I do not have to worry or fret over the unknown. As I looked out of the front window of our home yesterday, I felt peace. There is something about watching the leaves change and fall gracefully to the ground. The changes of fall brings gifts I truly do not deserve to witness. This new season that Austin and I have entered has been full of gifts that we do not deserve. We are praying for peace in the unknown. We are praying against fear and worry. We are grateful that amidst so much change, we serve a God who never changes. Isaiah 43:1-3 But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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