You all know how much I love a good DIY project. Actually, if you know me well, you know how much I love to start a DIY project and how painstaking it is for me to finish it. I usually recruit help from my husband, sister, or parents to get the job done. So naturally, I decided it would be a good idea to try gardening this year (insert nervous smile).
I'm hoping this garden won't be a one month DIY project I don't see through because as Austin and I have gotten older, we've realized how few hobbies we have. It seems like we are in the same routine of work, family time, bedtime routine with the kids, cleanup, and then scroll/watch tv. The later part of our day is not the most life-giving to say the least and I've been thinking a lot about how I can better spend my time. We love grilling vegetables throughout the summer, being outside, and the backyard is our favorite part of our new house, so starting a garden seemed like a good starter hobby. But the more I thought about it, I realized gardening would actually be a really big challenge for me. I'm NOT patient. If I start a project, I want it done the same day (please have some sympathy for my husband who has spent many nights up way too late finishing projects that sounded like a really great idea at 8pm. I've even been known to drive to Lowes at 7pm for paint and insist on finishing a room before bedtime). I'm also results driven. I want them instantly. Guess what? Seeds take time to turn into plants, and plants take time to produce harvest. A lot of time. Needless to say, this is going to be good, but it's going to be rough. I'm a few weeks in, and my little seedlings are already teaching me things. Time and consistency creates change and growth. It has been so fun to watch seeds turn into small plants. I'm praying project green thumb will grow nutritious food for my family but also grow my patience, consistency, and outlook on what success means. Tonight as I planted my carrots, cauliflower, and green beans, I noticed how nice it was to work with my hands, with my little helpers, and get fresh air. As I physically transferred some seedlings into the ground, I prayed I would learn how to transfer what I'm learning from my new hobby into my daily life in pursuit of a richer, more joyful life. Wish me luck, I know I'll need it.
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PSA for any type-A perfectionist who has not yet had kids: parenting will shatter all your confidence. You will rarely feel competent, organized, or like you're doing a good job. Sometimes your kid will even let you know how they feel about the job you're doing as a parent by yelling loudly, "I don't like you or my sister, I only like my family." (I opted not to tell my sweet 3-year-old I am indeed, part of his family too. Just not the right time, you know?) Other times you will find yourself having this conversation with your daycare provider on a Monday morning, "Hey, so I know you cut my daughter's nails the last 2 times. Please believe me, I remembered and yelled down the stairs to my husband we needed to do it but we forgot, can I borrow your nail clippers before I leave?" ...and then not even 20 minutes later your husband is dropping off the extra clothes you forgot on the kitchen counter for the same child. My personal and most recent favorite was asking my parents on a scale of 0-Haley Monster (the nicknamed I earned in toddlerhood) how bad my son's tantrum at the family dinner table was, thinking it was for sure at least an 8 or 9. I was told a 3, which probably means I couldn't ever handle my toddler self. (I guess my mom just can't forget about the time she carried me out of Meijer and was unable to get me in a carseat because I went stiff as a board and was tantruming so bad she ended up driving me home on the van of the floor).
If you've read my blog for awhile, I'm sure you've realized one thing. I'm a type-A perfectionist who is super hard on myself. This is no different when it comes to my role as a parent. Many nights I'm analyzing what I could have done differently, how I could have been more engaging, what I should have done instead of watch tv, which foods would have been a healthier dinner option, and the list goes on. For the record, I did put my foot down this morning and confidently stated, "Candy is not a breakfast food." Parenting is one of those things, maybe the first life-impacting thing, I've realized I can't be "good at" simply because I put my mind to it and work hard. (Oh wait, just remembered I'm married so...that too). As someone who loves to be good at things, win, and admittedly places values on myself based off of accomplishments, this is hard to accept. Most of the time when I write, I outline something I feel I've been doing wrong, what I'm learning from it, and how I'm hoping to change. Naturally, I've felt like I need to change my parenting too, because I'm so reliant on others to see me (us) through. Austin was gone for part of last weekend and I immediately started planning what I was going to do with the kids. Park, lunch, nap, parent's house. The entire scheduled included other people. Why? Because I'm a better parent when other people are around, which has always made me feel like a terrible parent. But I actually think that's exactly the way it's supposed to be. We were meant to live in community. Sharing our joys, challenges, and fears about our kids and their futures is healthy, validating, and important. Having a parent who's already been there and done it is a gift. Friends who get on the floor and play with your kids and love them like you love them are superheroes. Aunts who spoil ROTTEN are like confetti and sprinkles. I'm a better parent because of my parents, sister, daycare provider, church community, and friends. I'm better when I'm around them and we learn from each other. I have restored hope when someone lets me "tag out" for awhile and loves my kids while I get time for myself, or a week in Cancun with my husband. I have to work pretty hard to really believe I'm not doing this parenting gig wrong by relying on others and being a better mom because of it. Cliche, but it takes a village. I'm so thankful for mine. You know who you are, thank you. |
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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