At 37 weeks pregnant, this isn't what you're thinking. No tiny plastic-colored containers and no Autumn Calabrese.
My husband was just gone for 21 days and the only way I was going to get through it was to be super intentional about gratitude. I'm not the most patient person and there were several moments and a few texts of pity me, "do you know how tired I am?" But here's my list: Lunch downtown with my boys before take off Quiet morning No storm damage/lost power Pool day at Austin's Grandparents! Church Solo Target run Sisters who mop Cabellas "fish" Lawn mowed Adult conversation at dinner Zoo Parents home from vacation Awesome new daycare Dinner brought over OB appointment Everyone answered for home visits 3 hour naps Bedroom surprise done/parents who sacrifice Time with Mom Baby flipped! AUSTIN IS HOME There was so much protection, intentionality of others, and grace-long distance is hard. And now he's home and we've realized big joy can be found in the most mundane days, like drinking blue slushies at the zoo with our boy who walks around like he owns the plays and says hi to everyone and everything! We've also realized that the things that make make marriage messy for us are so dumb. Like I can't even come up with an example right now they are that small and unimportant. We've been trying to slow down, communicate what we actually want/need, and extend an apology or grace quicker than before. It's been so good. In two weeks or less baby #2 will be here. I'm so thankful to have Austin. He makes me better and he's such a gift to our family. A friend I met in grad school had a mantra I've shared before "Gratitude changes everything into enough." Simple. True, Important. I often look past the blessings God places directly in my life, which means I'm missing out on a lot. I'm thankful for 21 days of realizing how great and hardworking of a husband I have, how selfless our parents are and how much they truly love Nick, how my friends and sister take time to check in and help out despite being in really different seasons, and how much God provides and protects.
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When we were preparing for Nick's arrival, I wrote about the time between being pregnancy and delivery:
http://steppingwiththestones.weebly.com/blog/the-time-between I feel like we are entering into the "time between" again. In a few weeks we will go from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I don't think I've had much time to think about what that really means or looks like. I think it's going to rock our world a little bit. I want the time with just Nick to slow down and at the same exact same I want it to speed up so we can meet this little miracle girl babe that we were told to prepare for a miscarriage about. The time between is so different this time. There aren't pregnancy or baby name books scattered around. There's not an excercise ball in the middle of the living room that I'm using daily to try to make baby come sooner. There isn't a finished nursery with boxes and boxes of diapers waiting for baby (although she does have double the clothes Nick had at this point already). There is actually a lot of chaos. To be fair, we chose some of it, but still chaos. Austin is out of state, I'm (trying to) holding down the fort here. It's so exhausting this pregnant. Nick is at such a fun stage and he's constantly talking and on the move I don't have the same time to think about pregnancy and delivery. I'm trying to keep up feeling incredibly huge and not fun (Austin is definetely the fun adventurous parent).We have rooms torn apart, we aren't settled on a name, and overall there's a sense of unpreparedness for baby #2. Despite the chaos there's lots of anticipation, joy, and a twinge of sadness. I can't imagine sharing my time and attention with another baby. Throughout the next 4-5 weeks I want to create as much magic as possible for Nick. There's probably been some "spoiling," extra long bedtime routines, more ice cream, trips to the splash pad...this time with Nick means so much to me and I'm sad thinking about it coming to an end. I'm anticipating changes in our marriage and friend groups. I'm sure it will be even harder to balance my identity as a mom with my identity as all the other things I was created to do. Yet I'm joyful thinking about fresh baby snuggles, gassy smiles, and tiny clothes. One thing has remained the same about both of these times: I have no control of when this baby comes. We aren't sure if she's coming on her own or via c-section because of being breech. I have to trust God's timing and my doctor's direction. This is the hardest part of life for me, the whole control thing. But also the best because I'm humbled and forced to ask for help. There's so much more I want to say but honestly have had trouble writing/speaking at a socially acceptable pace because my brain feels like complete mush by this time at night. Baby girl, my prayer remains the same as it did for your brother. I pray for endurance and wonder as we wait for you. You were worth every blood draw, ultrasound, glucose test, and new stretch mark. I pray you are confident, nurturing, bold, and sincere. I love you so much already. Sweet Nick, you've taught me big things about joy, fun, patience, and faith. I'm trying to genuinely embrace the time we have before your sister is here (these nightly bedtime protests aren't my favorite though). I love you so much and hope this transition brings joy and teaches you empathy. The past year and a half has brought fulfilled prayers and so many blessings. So many thanks to those who walk with us in this time between. Friends help provide daycare for Nick, a sister comes and mops my floor on her hands and knees, parents come over and provide extra hands and meals, and the lawn is taken care of. I'm thankful (and emotional). The time between. Wholly necessary, sometimes painful, but completely worth it. |
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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