I'll be the first to admit it: I'm not the most patient person in the world. I'm currently 39.3 weeks pregnant. I was told two weeks ago by the doctor she would be "surprised to see me without a baby" by 39 weeks. The impatient and ultra-planner in me loved this news.
(Friends, someone told me this at the beginning of my pregnancy and I so wish I would have taken it to heart: NEVER EXPECT TO GO EARLY WITH YOUR FIRST BABY. Take your due date, add two weeks, and go from there. Consider yourself lucky if you go early) But here we are, still pregnant, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this time between. The time between "just us," and "just us + baby." We didn't really get time when we were preparing for Mr. T because it happened super fast. Austin and I have spent the past two weekends in our teeny tiny town expecting baby boy's arrival. Life is s l o w here. SO slow. Drive 35 minutes to rent a movie slow. The time between has allowed us to lay around and watch unhealthy amounts of Netflix, finish the nursery, take a few walks, and reconnect. We've had good but hard conversations about our marriage, parenthood, and where we see God leading our family. The time between has helped me process feelings of both sadness and excitement. I'm so sad my brother will not be here for the birth of his nephew. I'm sad my childhood best friend won't ever meet our son. I'm sad thinking about pregnancy being over, it has been such a blessing. I'm sad thinking about the major identity change. I'm fearful I will only be viewed as a mom, when God created me to be so many other important things, the most important being His child. Not only am I worried I will only be viewed as a mom but also I worry I will only find worth in being a mom-my days consumed with doing parenthood "right," natural, Instagram-perfect. I don't want that. There is so much to be excited about too. I am excited to finally meet this miracle man, see his face, and count his toes. I'm excited to watch Austin become a father to an infant. He's the best and his son is lucky to have the most selfless person I know in his life. I truly believe this particular transition will highlight our strengths and build our marriage. I'm excited to see how God challenges and encourages me as I figure out how I will function without my 8+ hours of sleep. I know I will be humbled and God will continue to remind me of my true identity and comfort me if the day comes where I realize cloth diapering was a bad idea. The time between has been a glaring reminder I have no control. There are a lot of things in my life I have control of. This is not one of those things. I have to trust God's timing and my doctor's advice. Both can be hard to do, especially with my "What to Except When You're Expecting" app encouraging me to make a rigid birth plan for my OB to follow and do really wild things for baby to come out. The time between has highlighted my strong support system. Some have been with us since our own births, some joined us much farther along in the journey. We are so so encouraged by all our friends and family as we wait. Their excitement is contagious and needed after rough nights and long work days. The time between. "She’s curled up on the couch, waiting, a ball of baby and emotions. A scrambled pile of books on pregnancy, labor, baby names, breastfeeding … not one more word can be absorbed. The birth supplies are loaded in a laundry basket, ready for action. The freezer is filled with meals, the car seat installed, the camera charged. It’s time to hurry up and wait. Not a comfortable place to be, but wholly necessary.The last days of pregnancy — sometimes stretching to agonizing weeks — are a distinct place, time, event, stage. It is a time of in between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self, balanced on the edge of a pregnancy. One foot in your old world, one foot in a new world." Baby boy, we are anxious to meet you but this time between is wholly necessary. I am praying for endurance and wonder until the day we get to hold you.
2 Comments
Michelle Summit
1/20/2016 06:08:43 pm
BEAUTIFUL HALEY!!!🤗
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Sandy Carmichael
1/27/2016 10:16:51 am
Haley, so beautifully written with all the wonderful joy & a little fear of becoming a mom. I have 3 grown children my baby is 28, Leah. She just had her own daughter. Two sons, all grown, successful in life, jobs, marriage & love of God. Doug & I were not perfect parents but we did invest in their lives as creations of God who with Him anything could be possible. But life will be hard. We let it be hard. We let them depend upon God for their strength. Yet they are so loved & cherished & our lives are so much richer for knowing them. One piece of advice I will pass along that a friend gave to me when I was pregnant for our first son Luke. Start praying for his wife. Bless her life, who she will be & strength to walk with Jesus. A blessing on your family & your new son. Sandy♡
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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