My kids are sleeping. My husband is on an ice cream run (I wish I could say it was a special post-race treat but we do this a *few* times a week), and I'm a marathoner sitting on my bed thinking about everything this weekend and training cycle was.
Saturday was Bayshore (#babeshore). Every single detail went as planned, which helped my mega-perfectionist, Type Aer, anxiety girl personality out really well. Seriously though, someone told me last minute they were going to spectate the end of the race and I told them I hoped to finish at 5:20. My clock time was exactly 5:20 something. Unreal. That's pretty much how the entire weekend went. Throughout this entire training “God cares about the little details” has been a big theme. We arrived to Traverse City without hitting traffic, we found out the dorm room we were staying at was RIGHT where the race started (no pre-race commute in an unfamiliar city), we ate awesome pizza, the race went really well, there was ice cream at the end, we got back on the road when we needed to, and danced the night away with our best friends at a wedding reception (I highly encourage this as a post-marathon activity). Recaping: The Race: The short version: It was HOT and BEAUTIFUL. Oh, and I finished! My chip time was 5:18 which was about 12:08 mins/mile. I went out at a pace I felt comfortable with maintaining for the first half. I wasn't trying to negative split the second half whatsoever. I wanted to get a solid half under my belt because I had a lot of anxiety about not finishing before the finish line came down at the 6 hour mark. The first quarter went really well, there were a decent amount of spectators, fun music, and sprinklers. At mile 7, I got in my own head a little bit until I hit the halfway point, but I kept repeating my mantras, "I am strong, smart, and capable," and "Respect the distance, you can do this." I was feeling positive after 13.1 and started setting goals in smaller increments, taking it one mile at a time. Mile 18 I adopted a run/walk strategy because several seasoned marathoners told me if you don't have fun your first marathon you're doing it wrong. I wasn't going to be having much fun if I kept running without breaks. I also wanted to take in more of the beautiful course. I muscled through 18-21 and at mile 21 briefly thought to myself, I could totally be done and take that golf cart passing by to my support squad and leave, that was my “low point of the race” but I never hit the wall a lot of people talk about. I’m so thankful I didn’t because there were long stretches without spectators and when you run a slower pace marathon, there aren’t tons of other runners around. Before mile 20 I saw my girl gang and my sister ran a few minutes with me which was really special. We’ve both been on health journeys this year to feel stronger and take better care of our bodies. I’m not sure either of us would have been running any stretches a year ago. 23-26.2 holy emotional. I think people thought I was crying because I was in pain but I was crying because at mile 23 I realized, holy smokes, I'm actually going to finish this thing. Tears. Tears. Tears. Mile 25 a family friend, with their family, who all finished the half and have a cottage on the marathon course, showed up and cheered me through. It was so needed. I also had a small conversation with an older mom during mile 25 who encouraged me well. She understood the hard work and balancing act of training for a marathon while maintaining a family. I've never felt so proud of myself than when I stepped foot on the track for the last .2 miles. I did it. Hardest physical thing I ever been through (yes, WAY harder than childbirth. I'm an epidural girl which makes the childbirth thing a walk in the park and overall really enjoyable for me). A full time employee, a full time mom with a 9-month old baby, full time overanalyzer, crossed the finish line of a MARATHON. All the feels. I also felt emotional because for whatever reason I felt like I representated more than myself crossing the finish line. My hat said GRL PWR on it and I want girls, women, females, to know they can do literally whatever they set their mind to. The future is ours. Post-Race: We had a quick turnaround to get to our friend's wedding reception. Surprisingly, I felt really good physically a few hours after the race (thanks to a few extra strength Tylenols leftover from Jade's birth). It was an absolute blast seeing a lot of people we love but don't get to see all in one place very much anymore. I tried to learn how to "floss" and failed miserably. See my husband's Facebook post for proof. Yikes. Such a fun night celebrating. Yesterday and Today: FREEDOM. JOY. RELIEF. FAMILY DAYS. I woke up at 5:30am yesterday and my kids slept until almost 8 (THIS NEVER HAPPENS, we have early birds). I got to take in the morning with Austin and kept saying how relieved I felt the marathon was done. I proceeded to say that about 500x in 48 hours. After church we decided to head to Holland and prayed on our way that it would be a good family day. God hears (cares about the small details) and it was the best family day I can remember in forever. We found a close parking spot at a smaller beach. Nick dipped his toes in the water and played in the sand all afternoon. He loved watching the motorcycles and "cars with no roofs" go by. Jade sat under the tent, the whole time we were there, and played with one shovel and a bucket full of water, and waved at us wading in the water. She also ate a lot of sand. Austin, who isn't our biggest beach fan, had a smile on his face the whole day. For me, there was one moment I was standing in the water (freezing lake water is also a good recovery option, thanks for the tip Liz!) looking at my family, and thanked God this was my life. I say this all the time but we are in the sweet spot and I know I'm going to miss these days. Our marriage is strong after a few seasons of struggle, our kids are obsessed with us, ans and we have support from a whole lot of people. Standing in the water, I was aware I was fully present, which didn't happen a whole lot during training because I was always thinking about when/how I was going to get my next run or cross training in. I didn't realize the mental toll raced-day prep was having on me until I realized how free I felt yesterday and today. The beach was so good yesterday we went back for a repeat today. People keep telling me it won't be my last marathon, but I think it probably will and I'm totally okay with that. Running helped me join in on the sweet spot that is our life right now. I got stronger, and not just physically. I realized I could do hard things, which sometimes means running a marathon, and sometimes it means not losing your cool/waiting patiently for your child to follow directions when you've asked nicely several times. Sometimes it means learning how to be a "fair fighter" and realizing how many freaking sacrifices your husband made for you to run a marathon so you better stop whining and better start serving. Sometimes it means even though you struggle with being short and irritable, you can work out challenges and approach people in kinder ways. I am a better person because I trained for, and ran a marathon. You can't spend that many hours, running that many miles (both training and race day) and not be changed. It was me vs. me. And now, I get to be wife and mom, all in, all summer. It’s my turn to sit back in order for Austin to chase some of his goals while I figure out what next goals look like for me and my family. Tonight, I'm thankful for all the miles. I'm thankful, and proud of who I've become in the process. I'm so thankful it's over. I'm relieved, joyful, and aware of how big God has blessed me with people who genuinely care and have walked alongside me through all this. I did it. 26.2 miles is so far.
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This time next week I’ll either be a marathoner or I won’t, but there’s a 100% chance I’ll be on the couch icing, working on rest and recovery, and celebrating the fact distance running is over for me for awhile. (By awhile I might mean forever).
I don’t think I’ve ever committed to something I wasn’t completely sure I could do. My Type A, perfectionist personality usually makes me feel prepared and confident for things I “go for.” Running a marathon isn’t something I’m completely sure I can do. I can't control (or predict) how far my body can go. There's limits on these things, I'm sure of it. The furthest I’ve run is shy of 19 miles. 7.2 more miles seems overwhelming to me. I’m terrified of failing. What if I can’t do it? My friends, who have ran hundreds of miles with me since November, have helped me process what’s happening next week Saturday. In short, here are my 3 takeaways they've instilled in me: 1. If I try, it’s impossible for me to fail. 2. If I can’t finish, how wild is it to be able to say I have actually pushed my body to its full potential and discovered my maximum physical ability? Not very many people can say, they've tested their bodies to that degree. 3. "Finish the fear" (great tool to use if you're wanting to go for something but filled with fear) If I don't finish the marathon then... My answer to that is: If I don't finish the marathon, then I'm going to be embarrassed because I put this big goal out there for the world to see and the end product (not crossing the finish and walking off the course) isn't super glamorous. If that's the biggest risk, then who freaking cares. I think we've created an "end product" culture. You buy a house, the world sees via social media you bought a house. (If you're a millennial you start playing the game with your spouse/friends, "How did so and so afford XYZ"). They don't see years of scaling back, budgeting, getting approved, and borrowing down payment money from parents. You get pregnant. The world sees you got pregnant. They don't see months of trying, tons of worrying, and a number of pregnancy tests you would never admit to taking in a week's time. You finish a marathon. The world sees you run 26.2 miles. Awesome end product. What I hope you've seen: Months of training, hundreds of miles, starting from scratch with 13 minute miles, wanting to give up, ugly runs, great runs, dedication, a selfless husband, running=life (I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with all my time), grief, joy, and so much more. One thing I'm still trying to shield you all from, how horrifying my feet look in sandals right now. End product culture really stinks, especially when you're trying to get end products without realizing what really goes into, and beyond the scenes, of big accomplishments and major life changes. Share the ugly, share the messy, and keep sharing the bright moments too. One more time for good measure...whether or not I finish, I can’t fail because I tried. Bayshore, which we’ve appropriately renamed Babeshore, we are coming for you. Dear Nick,
Last night you were laying on the couch in your little shirt and shorts pajama set and I was caught off guard how big you looked. I blinked and you were almost two and a half years old, and there are some things I never want to forget. Like the way you say, "yeah, sure mom," when I ask you a question. You sound like you're 13. Or when Jade drops a toy and without hesitation, you say, "I will get it." You say words I didn't know toddlers knew like silverware, competition, and air compressor. Phrases that get me every time include "SCOOCH I need some space," "That's a bummer," and "I love you mommy." I have nothing to compare it to but buddy, I think you're brilliant. You're working on numbers, colors, and shapes. I love seeing you light up as you learn. You remind me every day the Easter Bunny brought you a Bible (oh the irony). You recently started to love the story of Baby Moses and Jonah. You are teaching me how exciting the Bible is, Jesus too. You are a worshipper. Yesterday in church grandma told me you leaned over to her after the first line of Reckless Love and said, "That's my favorite song." You sang the words you knew. You love to sing and dance. Your favorites are Our God, Lighthouse, Tremble, and Hosanna. Watching you worship lasers my kingdom focus, nothing else in this world matters and I hope we never emphasize anything in your life more than that. Today, you were going around in circles in your cozy coupe truck yelling "I'm doing burnouts." Kid, you LOVE cars (and anything else with an engine). Wonder where you get that from? (Your dad and grandpa). You can name more makes and models of cars than I can. You love to figure out how things work and help your daddy fix things. I hope you use your gifts to serve others. In the car we went around and said what we loved about everyone in our family. You told Jade you liked her outfit, it was cute. You told daddy you liked when he "teached you things." I could have melted. You told me I was nice. I love the way you love sweet boy. Daycare emphasizes the importance of kindness and you've taken off with it. You are so kind and you like to remind me when you think I'm not being kind. Nicholas Henry, you make me so proud and I love you more than you know. You are hilarious, sensitive, curious, stubborn, and creative. At 2.5 the world is at your fingertips, and I know you will change it for the better, you already have. |
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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