PSA for any type-A perfectionist who has not yet had kids: parenting will shatter all your confidence. You will rarely feel competent, organized, or like you're doing a good job. Sometimes your kid will even let you know how they feel about the job you're doing as a parent by yelling loudly, "I don't like you or my sister, I only like my family." (I opted not to tell my sweet 3-year-old I am indeed, part of his family too. Just not the right time, you know?) Other times you will find yourself having this conversation with your daycare provider on a Monday morning, "Hey, so I know you cut my daughter's nails the last 2 times. Please believe me, I remembered and yelled down the stairs to my husband we needed to do it but we forgot, can I borrow your nail clippers before I leave?" ...and then not even 20 minutes later your husband is dropping off the extra clothes you forgot on the kitchen counter for the same child. My personal and most recent favorite was asking my parents on a scale of 0-Haley Monster (the nicknamed I earned in toddlerhood) how bad my son's tantrum at the family dinner table was, thinking it was for sure at least an 8 or 9. I was told a 3, which probably means I couldn't ever handle my toddler self. (I guess my mom just can't forget about the time she carried me out of Meijer and was unable to get me in a carseat because I went stiff as a board and was tantruming so bad she ended up driving me home on the van of the floor).
If you've read my blog for awhile, I'm sure you've realized one thing. I'm a type-A perfectionist who is super hard on myself. This is no different when it comes to my role as a parent. Many nights I'm analyzing what I could have done differently, how I could have been more engaging, what I should have done instead of watch tv, which foods would have been a healthier dinner option, and the list goes on. For the record, I did put my foot down this morning and confidently stated, "Candy is not a breakfast food." Parenting is one of those things, maybe the first life-impacting thing, I've realized I can't be "good at" simply because I put my mind to it and work hard. (Oh wait, just remembered I'm married so...that too). As someone who loves to be good at things, win, and admittedly places values on myself based off of accomplishments, this is hard to accept. Most of the time when I write, I outline something I feel I've been doing wrong, what I'm learning from it, and how I'm hoping to change. Naturally, I've felt like I need to change my parenting too, because I'm so reliant on others to see me (us) through. Austin was gone for part of last weekend and I immediately started planning what I was going to do with the kids. Park, lunch, nap, parent's house. The entire scheduled included other people. Why? Because I'm a better parent when other people are around, which has always made me feel like a terrible parent. But I actually think that's exactly the way it's supposed to be. We were meant to live in community. Sharing our joys, challenges, and fears about our kids and their futures is healthy, validating, and important. Having a parent who's already been there and done it is a gift. Friends who get on the floor and play with your kids and love them like you love them are superheroes. Aunts who spoil ROTTEN are like confetti and sprinkles. I'm a better parent because of my parents, sister, daycare provider, church community, and friends. I'm better when I'm around them and we learn from each other. I have restored hope when someone lets me "tag out" for awhile and loves my kids while I get time for myself, or a week in Cancun with my husband. I have to work pretty hard to really believe I'm not doing this parenting gig wrong by relying on others and being a better mom because of it. Cliche, but it takes a village. I'm so thankful for mine. You know who you are, thank you.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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