A few months ago, my church had a service led by middle and high school students. Throughout the service, I was completely distracted thinking about what it would be like to be a female high school student in 2018. I couldn't help but notice most of the girls on stage had contoured makeup including the perfect highlight, something I never had to worry about in high school. Seriously, I didn't start wearing makeup until my junior year, the same year I GOT braces.
Social media screams pressures and expectations of society and female students are listening. That’s why we have hashtags like #ana. Initially, I kept thinking, "I can't imagine what it's like to be a girl in high school right now." But I guess I can because I'm 26 and watch makeup tutorials on how to contour and try to keep up with current beauty trends. More recently, I’ve been overwhelmed by the time, money, and selfishness it takes to “look the part” (whatever that means). First it was having a tan, but not being too tan. Then you were really the "it girl" if you had a tan, but not too tan, and white teeth. I thought I had achieved as close to perfect as I ever would in terms of society’s standards when I was thin, had a tan but not too tan, white teeth, AND fake nails. I could go on and on about the evolution of beauty trends as a white female, but here's the run down on most of the current expectations: -Tan but not too tan -Colored hair -White teeth -Acrylic nails or shellac manicure -Pedicure -"Eyebrows on fleek" which includes a few subcategories a) perfect shape, which we've moved to the most painful method of them all, I swear eyebrow threading is more painful than childbirth b) tinted eyebrows -Eyelash extensions -High end makeup and brushes To note, this list doesn't include all the products/measures we take to achieve goal weights and ideal image. I broke down the prices for the services listed above -One month of tanning $37 -Hair cut and color $120+ -Crest white strips $45 -Mani/pedi $55 -Eyebrow threading and tint $20 -Eyelash extensions $20 -High end makeup (Lancôme foundation alone is $54) -Weight loss products $$$ (One month of Shakeology is $99) I’m being conservative on most of those prices. I've tried almost every "beauty trend" listed above with the exception of eye brow tinting. There are a few I will probably continue including eyebrow threading and hair color. I'm embarrassed looking over the price list. It's absurd looking at the price we are willing to pay for perceived beauty. I was recently listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Terrible Thanks for Asking. The topic was on transformation. The host was explaining #transformationtuesday and how we are a culture of contrast. We love and idolize a good before and after of makeup, hair, weight loss, etc. I'm actually in the home stretch of a 12-week "transformation challenge” myself. I'd be lying if I said I haven't though about how I want to share my “before and after pictures” and tell you how much I've lost. Social media eats that kind of stuff up. But what’s the point? One night of instant gratification and notifications while contributing to our culture of enough never being enough. I know what it feels like to look at those #transformationtuesday posts and immediately start body shaming and negative self-talking. I’ve realized it's more important to tell you what I've gained in 12 weeks. Mental clarity , physical strength, confidence, a closer relationship with my sister, energy, better sleep, faster run times, frustration tolerance, better fitting clothes, contentment, and joy. Overall, I’m a better mom and person by taking care of my physical health. I've gained so much but still look in the mirror and it’s not enough, I want a certain number, I want to look a certain way. When is enough, enough? Spoiler alert: It will never be enough. The newest thing (that I'm aware of but could be super behind in trends) is eye lash extensions. Something will be next and guess what? It doesn't replace eye lash extensions. It's added to the ever-growing list of expectations. It's exhausting, unrealistic, time-wasting, unfulfilling, and I'll go as far to say sinful at some point. I'm totally guilty and will forever be balancing accepting when enough is enough for me. I will still wear makeup, I will still occasionally get my hair done, and I will see my favorite (and kindest) eye brow threader every 3 weeks. I actually don't think there is anything wrong with any of these beauty trends. Some of my favorite self-care days include a shellac manicure that I know won't get ruined during the next diaper change. I have loved seeing my sister’s physical transformation as she fuels her body with clean food and exercising. I’m happy for her and proud of her. Time catching up with friends over pedicures is good. Weight loss and health is good. A fresh and fun new haircut and color is good. Sharing any kind of transformation on social media is good. My doctor even tells me time in the tanner to avoid raging sun poisoning in Florida is good. Following beauty trends in the name of honest self-care is so good and much needed. But when I'm getting frustrated with my toddler for interfering with my makeup routine in the morning, it's a problem. When I'm spending more time working out and running than I am with Jesus, problem. When I spend more money in a month on perfectly shaped eyebrows than I do loving and serving others, problem. Getting ready for every occasion to present as perfect and in case their is a picture of me taken of me, problem. Stepping on the scale every freaking morning as if the number defines my entire worth, PROBLEM. Self-loathing that leads to indulging in beauty trends to try to “fix you”, be perfect, one up other women, and meet expectations just isn’t what we were designed for. Women, we are worth more than the time and effort we are putting into appearance. I'm raising a daughter. Who I hope cares more about being brave, confident, kind, and empowered, than she does about perfectly shaped eyebrows, the inner on the scale, and fitting society's standards. I hope I can too because I’ve wasted a whole lot of time. I hope loving ourselves where and how we are trends ASAP. Women like that change (and run) the world. Girl. Power.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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