In the past 365 days I've cooked approximately twice, broken the same lever on a new car twice, and made my husband return area rugs that "would look perfect in the living room" twice, or 3 times... ... and he still chooses me, every day. The other day I asked Austin what he was most surprised to learn about me after getting married, thinking he would give either a. a superficial answer like, you never pick your clothes off the floor, or b. something endearing like, you really are the best wife a man could ask for. After all, I was planning on saying, "I was surprised how obsessed with cars you are." His answer was much different than I expected. He said, "I was surprised at how independent I thought you were and how much you're really not." Whoa. My first reaction was defensive. I had to justify with specific examples how Ms. Independent I am, but the more we talked about it, the more I realized how much I've needed to ditch the "I can do this all by myself" mentality and embrace the "I need other people" over the past two years. We dated for 6 months, were engaged for a little over two months. I needed people to speak life into a chaotic season, to take care of small details, and to keep me focused on the marriage part of life that comes after a wedding. We moved to Ann Arbor 2 days after getting married. I needed people to help us load all of our new belongings, to unpack and make an apartment feel like a home, and to help us settle into a new city. We did our first year of marriage while I was in graduate school and Austin was in school and working full time on second shift. It was so hard. I needed people to befriend me in a grueling program, to visit, and to help make freezer meals as I quickly learned I was no Betty Crocker. We moved from Ann Arbor shortly after I graduated. I needed people to house us as we figured out what the next steps were going to be, to encourage me as I prepared for a licensing exam, and to welcome us to our new tiny town, Evart. We were received a foster care placement after moving and found out we were pregnant a few days later. I needed people to celebrate the small victories, to come over when I was at the end of myself, and to push me towards the only One who could help me sort out the all of the feelings that come with so much change. And here we are. We've needed all the members of "home team" and we've needed each other. God placed the man of my prayers in my life at exactly the right time. The exact right time. The time where I thought I could continue doing everything by myself and be successful. The time I honestly wasn't ready to share my life and past hurts with someone else. The time I had no idea what becoming a wife would entail. Maybe I still don't, just the other night I said, "I feel like real wife tonight" after managing to throw together a crockpot meal before work. I've got a lot to learn. Our story started as one of redemption, and continues to be written with themes of hope and love. I'm thankful for Austin, the person who I've needed a lot this year. Austin, I've "lost" some of my independence to you, and I've gained so much more. You are a picture of selflessness, genuine care, and faith. Thanks for teaching me and learning with me. ... Two kids, one a permanent part of our story although he no longer lives with us, and one growing away in my belly for a few more weeks. Two friends lost, learning grief within marriage and how to provide a balance of comfort and space. Two mini vacations, time away to reflect and restore. Two years of marriage to the best guy around. Here's to 82 more.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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