I've been thinking a lot about Thursday and all the empty chairs around food-filled Thanksgiving tables. I've been thinking about how it's the first of the firsts for too many people I love. My twin best friends will not have their dad at the head of the table to say grace. The family of my childhood best friend will not have their daughter, experiencing the excitement and joy of her daughter's first Thanksgiving. I've been thinking about how many times they've been approached this week by good-intentioned people reminding them "holidays are hard, especially the first." Those people aren't wrong, it's just hard to hear over and over for weeks straight. I want to tell them it gets better after the first firsts; that once they make it through a year of firsts they will be okay, but I think they already know it will never be okay because grief permanently reshapes families. Not to mention, sometimes the seconds and thirds are just as hard, if not harder than the firsts.
Our family still experiences the sting of the empty chair since losing Nick. Although it's not the same as grief from death, I am feeling more grief than expected with Mr. T's move. I had anticipated he would be with us through the holidays this year. Another empty chair. Sometimes gratitude is hard to practice when there is an empty chair. Maybe for you, it's not an empty chair, but rather an empty place in your heart making it difficult to practice gratitude. Maybe you dreamed of sharing exciting news of a promotion, an addition to the family, a new home, an engagement, or other life news at Thanksgiving this year and instead, the year has brought job loss, infertility, bankruptcy, relationship conflict, or other hardship. The Thanksgiving table may be difficult for you to approach this year. Thankfully, there is a table we can go to that accepts us right where we are. One that understands brokenness and weariness. Psalm 23:5-6 "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Isaiah 58:11 "And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." There is no situation, no chair bigger than God's goodness and love. I wasn't always in a place where I could "taste and see the goodness of the Lord." I am thankful for all the people who did just as Glennon Doyle suggest her in book, Carry on Warrior: “When her pain is fresh and new, let her have it. Don't try to take it away. Forgive yourself for not having that power. Grief and pain are like joy and peace; they are not things we should try to snatch from each other. They're sacred. they are part of each person's journey. All we can do is offer relief from this fear: I am all alone. That's the one fear you can alleviate.” I was never alone. I will continue to learn how to practice gratitude in the sacred times of grief and pain. Despite all of the losses this year brought, I can practice gratitude on a daily basis by thanking God for my material blessings-a house, a car, food, and so on. I pray I can enter this season of Thanksgiving with faith-filled gratitude- a profound trust in a God who gives and takes away my blessings-a brothers, a foster child, and a best friend. Faith-filled gratitude is finding peace when you can't seem to make your way through the day-to-day pain in losing someone you love. It's realizing the blessings were never ours, but His. God will guide my family and the people I love through the holidays and the rest of firsts, seconds, and thirds. He will comfort those feeling the void of an empty chair or empty places in theirs hearts. He will also understand the anger, pain, and confusion emptiness brings. He will anticipate the day where our bones are strengthen, our hearts are watered and we can say in confidence "It is well."
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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