Today I received this text from my husband:
"It is true I am weak in faith, and prone to fall, but my very feebleness is the reason why I should always be where thou feedest thy flock, that I may be strengthened and preserved in safety beside the still waters. Why should I turn aside? There is no reason why I should, but there are a thousand reasons why I should not, for Jesus beckons me to come. If he withdraw himself a little, it is but to make me prize his presence more. Now that I am grieved and distressed at being away from him, he will lead me yet again to that sheltered nook where the lambs of his fold are sheltered from the burning sun." -Spurgepn Tears quickly came, followed by relief. Rewind about 2 months. We received "the call," a sweet 4-old boy would be joining our family. I remember the phone call going something like this, "...he's an easy kid, no behaviors, independent, loving, and plays well with other kids." We felt peace, trusting God was giving us a trial run at parenting with a "typical kid" (whatever that means). Not even two days after Mr.T's arrival we were convinced they dropped off the wrong kid. Seriously. There was lots of refusing, kicking, hitting, screaming, spitting, food throwing, peeing, destroying, late nights, early mornings, and phone calls from daycare. I couldn't help but think we were doing something terribly wrong. Doubts flooded in. I was convinced I was the worst parent, ever. Since I struggle with feeling like failure all by myself, I started in on Austin. Surely he would like to feel like a failure too. There has been incredible pressure on our marriage in trying to figure this out. Thankfully, my dad (our family jokes, of all people, my dad) made a simple parenting suggestion to us to try to help with bedtime. It worked. God works. For the past several weeks we have been getting sleeping again. It's been amazing to see Mr.T function so differently with good sleep (he might say the same about his foster parents). We haven't quite pinpointed why or how, but over the past 4 days, there has been peace and still waters in our home once again. Along with my dad's suggestion, there was recently a time where Austin and I were laying in bed and sheepishly admitted we've been trying to do this without God. We have been weak in faith, grieved and distressed. We are slowly being led yet again into His shelter and are so grateful. We are incredibly proud of Mr.T, a small, now 5-year-old kid, who has the biggest heart and longest eyelashes. He's oddly obsessed with "eating people's eyeballs," which we find hilarious most of the time. He's been working so hard at adjusting to this change. He's resilient, honest, and so brave. We are praying that our hearts remain still even if our circumstance don't. My favorite part of the day is our chats before bedtime. Me: You've had such a great day, I'm so proud of you. Mr. T: Yeah, but sometimes I'm naughty and that's okay because I'm pive (5) Me: Right kiddo, you're trying so hard and sometimes everyone is a little naughty. I love you to the moon and back. Mr. T: I love you all the way around the wurld. I love you more then eyeballs. I am well loved you guys. A special prayer of gratitude to my husband, who is leading our family even when it's hard for me to let him. Also, to my parents. You've gently spoken truth into our circumstance. Even when it's hard for me to hear, I value your support, unconditional love, and grace.
2 Comments
Lauren Birks
7/9/2015 08:16:57 am
Haley! Every time you post the caption or title alone captivates me to read your blog and until today I had yet to do so! Even though we do not know each other well or talk often from afar I have coninsously admired you and Austin's marriage for many reasons. Thank you for your transparency in your marriage and parenthood. Also, as a woman of faith I find your marriage to be such an inspiration and example. Lastly, I commend and thank you and Austin for being willing to be foster parents. Even though things will not always go right and you may question if you're doing thing aright, continue loving Mr. T because I know it's genuine, Godly, and love he will cherish forever.
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A jean stone
7/9/2015 11:09:58 am
Your blog made me cry to think of all you three are going thru but knowing God is faithful and His word never fails. The seeds you are planting in Mr.T will always bless him and make a difference in his life. He is a special little boy and God can use him mightily.love you all.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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