A few days ago, my younger sister came home with a few Target bags full of fresh new school supplies. I was green with envy watching her write in her new planner (a classic Stegeman girl, back to school staple that never actually gets used passed the first week of school) with her new pens. Luckily, I got to be a part off the preparation as my 20-year-old sister and my 23-year-old self sat at the kitchen table to decorate binders.
For the first time in 18 years, I am not preparing to go back to school. I have absolutely no idea what to make of that. Throughout this past academic year, I had a difficult time even thinking about post-grad life. I had tossed up the idea of applying to med school with the hopes of eventually becoming a psychiatrist. I looked to the people around me and who know me best to affirm this decision and guess what? Through those people, God told me no. I felt desperate to continue with school because it has always been a safety net. In my early elementary years, school became natural, routine, and enjoyable. Quite honestly, my very earthly school "success" had led to an internal pride that distanced me from God. Professors, peers, and posters throughout the school were a constant reminder that I was studying at the #1 social work program in the nation and for a time, that meant something to me. I stopped relying on God, truly believing that I had done this all on my own. I forgot that the only reason I was able to study at Michigan was because God had entrusted me with a mind and privilege. As I revised my resume and prepared for interviews I was surprised by the amount of insecurity and pressure I felt to market myself. I felt pressure to ensure employers I was competent in all areas. There was pressure to be the best version of myself. My safety net was gone and I needed to be reminded of who I am apart from school. I needed Jesus, the only true and constant safety net I will ever have in this life. The best version of me has nothing to do with a degree, a fitted blazer, or a title. The best version of me is made up of the imperfections that are covered by God's grace and forgiveness. It is safe to say that although I will soon be joining the workforce, I still have no idea what God is up to in our lives. Something that has been clear to both Austin and I is that it will not be natural, it will not be routine, and therefore, because I am so type-A and something is only enjoyable if I am good at it, it will not be immediately enjoyable. I can't say that I will never go back to school again but I can say that God has called me to something new. Beginning in September, I will start a new position working as a home-based therapist for Community Mental Health in Central Michigan. Until then, cheers to moving back in with my parents and a month off. Better yet, here's to letting God work in my heart and continue to humble me. Friends, let us hold each other accountable to what God is teaching us. Let us live boldly, knowing there is a ever-present safety net. "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand."
3 Comments
Sandy
8/24/2014 12:43:59 pm
Well said maybe you should also write part time I enjoy reading what you write!
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Steph
8/24/2014 09:49:31 pm
Love you guys! We are praying you into this time of transition with confidence that God will challenge and equip you for the work he has prepared for you to do.
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Stephany Trujillo
8/25/2014 03:56:51 am
Hi Haley, Great post! New adventures sure await... and I wish you the best of luck with working for CMH! :)
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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