Can you believe 2018 is almost over already? I really can’t. It feels like it was just a few months ago I was talking about my 2018 resolution and then falling asleep before the ball dropped…for the second consecutive year…on our anniversary. Whoops.
Last year, my NY’s resolution was to read a book a month, taking a yearlong break from my usual resolution to lose weight, and I’m happy to say I did it! I forgot how much I love to read and how much bigger it makes my world feel. I have some great recommendations if you’re interested. I could end this easily by saying exactly how I feel, when your resolve to love yourself, and make goals that are not defined by lower numbers on the scale, life is so much happier. Lighter. Free. After experiencing my first big weight loss my senior year of college, I became addicted to the scale. I don’t say that lightly. I was reinforced by so many people telling me how good I looked, asking how much I had lost, what I was doing etc. I ate it up. As someone who had never been small in their whole life, it finally felt like I achieved life’s end goal as a female: thinness. Then I started putting weight back on and panicked. In trying to shed the weight again, I actually put more back on due to all sorts of skewed thinking (another Monday diet, I ate bad once today, I’ll eat terrible the rest of the day, emotional eating, you get it…). I would weigh myself every single day and expect substantial results if I stuck to a meal plan and worked out for a day. It’s idiotic and we all know it but many of us still do it because we live in a culture that correlates thinness with beauty. I think that narrative is starting to change though and I’m thrilled. Although I can’t honestly say I’ve taken a huge break from weighing myself on a regular basis, I recently experienced a huge shift in my thinking. Partly due to running a marathon and realizing I can literally do anything I put my mind to regardless of my weight, and partly due to joining a local bootcamp. I couldn’t hate my body anymore after running a marathon. If I can do it, you can too. It will change your life. 26.2 is so, so far. As far as the bootcamp, I mocked my sister when she started (after I had started at the same gym but quit) and told her she drank the kool-aid. Then I rejoined and my perception of myself started to change. I was known by name, encouraged, and celebrated. At a gym? Yes. The bonus was 30 minutes a day with my sister a couple of times per week. My marathon training mantra was, “I am strong, smart, and capable.” In the thick of my training, when I was running 5 miles, then going to bootcamp, then going home to run another 3, I would repeat those words to myself every single session of bootcamp. After my marathon, I would (sometimes audibly under my breath) repeat, “I’m a marathoner, I can do anything,” during workout. I spoke positively to myself and eventually I think I just started to believe it. Then last weekend I attended the end of the year celebration for bootcamp. My sister and I went all out for the Gatsby-themed party at the JW. Hair, makeup, fun gowns. Looking through the pictures, I felt so proud of both my sister and I. That’s it. The shift. Typically when I’m looking through pictures, it’s “My arms look too big, I still look 4 months pregnant, my face isn’t as thin.” The shaming would go on and on until I feel like a piece of garbage and hated every picture I was in. I’m so happy I don’t feel that way about myself anymore. My life feels so much more purposeful when I’m not defined by 3 numbers. I’m currently the highest weight I’ve ever been except for pregnancy weights. And I don’t really care. I’m also the strongest, healthiest version of myself. I love myself and get so excited knowing and dreaming about what I’m capable of. Resolve to love yourself this year. Read books, enrich your mind. Run a marathon, strengthen your body. Eat right, fuel yourself well. Gossip less, heal your heart. Forgive more, experience freedom. I promise you can love yourself regardless of your bathroom scale trying to tell you otherwise.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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