I knew something was changing when I joined the #sportsbrasquad May 2 of last year. I posted a picture of myself in a sports bra on social media and wrote:
I'm turning 27 tomorrow and no one can be mean to you on your birthday so...here's something real quick. I wore a white shirt on my run tonight and 1 mile in, it started raining. What better time to join the #sportsbrasquad ? Women, we often see one thing associated with strength, and that's size (a pretty darn small one). We aren't used to seeing real women in real life. So here's me for reference. In lots of ways, I'm probably just like you. Strength is so much more than being small. Because of running (therapy too), and a few of the most genuine people I know, I'm learning how strong I really am, and not just physically. PS This is truly terrifying to post because other women will thing one of two things 1. Wow, she's overconfident and/or fishing for compliments or 2. Wow, she's awesome. Option 2ers, you're my people. Prior to training for a marathon, I would have never posted something like that because prior to training for a marathon, I would have never believed those things about myself. Social media can be a real pain, but it's the first place I started to see real women in real life. Women who aren't small, but proclaim (and are full of) strength. The first place I got the idea I too, could be strong. It's also been a place where I've seen hundreds of posts a day making me believe I had to buy a product, have a before and after, or look a certain way in order to be strong, healthy, and ultimately happy. Hey, even my story can be dangerous if it's only viewed on social media. It might send the message saying you're strong if you run a marathon, birth a baby, or come out decent after some childhood trauma. That's not what strength looks like for everyone. You don't have to run a marathon to be strong. You don't have to birth a baby to be strong. You don't have to have lost a brother and still have hope and joy to be strong. Right now, strength for me looks like working on restoring some friendships, being consistent in taking care of my mental health, being patient with a 1.5 year old I don't understand whatsoever, and ironically checking my pride on how strong I think I am because I ran a marathon :) LOL. I'm strong, healthy, and most days, confident in who I am and how I look. I wish so badly it wouldn't have taken me 27 years to figure all that out. It would have saved me a lot of self-negative talk, obsession over numbers, crash diets, and hatred towards my body. Lots of hours of flat ironing my hair piece by piece to be as absolutely pin straight as possible. I once used a literal clothing iron to get it even flatter. How dumb. I'm thankful for the ways running, motherhood, and grief have been used to teach me about how strong I really am but here's what I want you to know. I'm not currently training for a marathon. There is a good chance I never, ever will train for another one. but I still believe all of those words, maybe even more than I did when I wrote them the first time. So that's strength. Now confidence. I've learned a little bit about confidence in the past year. I'm thankful to have a husband who patiently listens as I verbally process (every aspect of my whole life). We were talking about confidence on our way home from church Sunday. When I joined the sports bra squad and posted about it, I added a one liner about people who might think I was fishing for compliments, because that's what I was afraid people might think. I just wanted to be proud of myself with out the disclaimer. My husband who is 5'4" aka very short for the average male, talked about times in his life where he was perceived as having "little man syndrome" because he was being assertive and confident. Confidence can be such a tricky thing. Too little and you're meak and unsure. Too much and you're cocky. In this society, an ounce of confidence is often mistaken as pride. As a result, we miss out on so many opportunities to model self-acceptance, boundaries, and courage for others. If you're ready to join the sports bra squad, post that picture of yourself tomorrow. If you've got some great non-screen related activities you're repping with your toddler at home, I won't think you're better than me, I need all the help I can get. If you worked really hard and lost some weight and are feeling more energized and joyful, tell someone. Not everyone will be happy for you or proud of you, but that's life and it's too short not to share the ways you're growing. Maybe it will even inspire others to better, that's where it all started for me. From some complete strangers on social media, thanks Kelly Roberts, Fellow Flowers, and January Harshe. Be strong and love yourself as you work on yourself and make yourself better. It's a process. Be confident in the things you are capable of and created to do. The world is waiting for it and I want to hear about it.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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