We've missed Nick in all the small things and in all the big things since he died May 15, 2002. At first, I missed him much more in all the small. Sitting down as a family at a dinner table with 5 chairs and only 4 being filled, his contagious smile and booming laughter, watching his friends throughout high school, not being picked on and at the same time protected, and so much more.
As time goes on, I miss him much more in all the big (honestly because I have trouble remembering a lot of the small and I hate it). Holiday gatherings, graduating from high school and then college, receiving the acceptance letter to U of M, and getting married. Milestones are filled with a mix of grief and joy. Preparing for Baby Stone is no different, actually it feels much more significant. I've tried so many times to play this scenario out in my head: How would Nick react to hearing we are pregnant? This is hard to do because my furthest memories are of a 13-year-old boy and the rest is what my mind has tried to form of all the "would haves, should haves, could haves, and supposed to bes." As a 13-year-old boy, Nick had the biggest heart. He was quick to get dirty on a sports field or play a practical joke and just as quick to show his care and love for others in the most genuine ways. He loved people so well and also had a deep understanding of God's goodness. His faithful was so mature. Nick would have cried joy tears upon hearing the news of our pregnancy. I'm sure of it. I wish so badly Nick could be here as we prepare for baby. He would have been the very best uncle. The perfect mix of fun and seriousness. I'm sure our son would have learned several things a mother doesn't want her son to learn (whoopee cushions, fart machines, and stink bombs come to mind), but more importantly I know Nick would have taught our son values, character, love for Jesus, and of course undying love for the Michigan Wolverines. I get caught up just thinking about what it would be like. The reality is Nick wasn't here when we shared our pregnancy news, he won't be here for the birth of our baby, and our son won't ever meet his uncle. I am so sad for our son, but take such joy in one thing I am confident of: our son will know his uncle. I have memories, pictures, and stories. Also, I have you. If you knew Nick, I need you to tell my son about your memories: as a friend put it to me, you're the keepers of his story now. Friends, if you didn't know my brother but joined my family on this grief journey, tell my son about that when he gets older. There is such beauty in this story. I have a request as we head into the holidays. The year Nick died, SO many of you attended a birthday party for him at our house. You brought beautiful Christmas ornaments that represented Nick (sports, angels, verses, U of M anything) or our family and wrote notes filled with memories and encouragement. Every single year since Nick died my family has continued to put up his special tree. It creates a space for us to talk about Nick's life and legacy. We read all the old notes about funny things he did, his 3-point shot at the buzzer, how he never had his own pencil, his love for Christ, ect. It's intentional and I'm so thankful for the time each year. I would love, love to have a "Nick tree" at our house so that as our son grows, he knows his uncle and remembers him in a tangible way. I would really love if you would be willing to send an ornament that represents Nick or the part of the grief journey you joined us on to our address (message me for details) sometime before Christmas with a little blurb about a special memory. If you can't send an ornament, it's completely understandable (this is quite a humbling request) and I would still love if you could send a notecard with a memory you have of Nick or a verse you have prayed over our family. Thank you, so much in advance. We are excited for baby Stone and are praying for God to provide us with wisdom as we raise our son to know his uncle.
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3/10/2016 12:05:51 am
Preparing for Baby Stone is no different, actually it feels much more significant.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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