Last year, I shared this post. One I really didn't want to share because truth was/is I really liked/like the instant gratification and distraction of social media and didn't want the accountability of having to put down the phone.
This year, I used my iPhone to take 340 some pictures, mostly of Mr. T and a growing bump. I even shared a few on Facebook. I had an "on again off again" relationship with my Facebook and Instagram apps throughout the year too, never sticking fully to my resolution. My resolution was created last year with the goal of writing a better story. One that wasn't worried about taking a picture 23 times to find the right angle that doesn't make me look fat, or finding the perfect filter. I didn't want to miss real people, conversations, opportunities, and moments. I wanted to like my own life rather than being concerned about how many others "liked" my life. I wanted to have photo albums on my shelves for my kids to look at it. I wanted to remember feelings, tastes, sounds, sights, and use my words to describe them to people. I wanted to remember how life actually occurred, not just how I wanted it to look. Despite the fact I didn't stick completely to my resolution, I grew. I wrote a lot this year. I shared a lot of our foster care story. Most of the pictures I took would have only portrayed our best moments. Words gave me an outlet to share the really, really hard. There are so many people who did real life with us this year, and not necessarily the parts of life I would normally share. Like the time my mom and I took 3 kids including Mr. T to the children's museum, only for it to end with an hour standoff of getting back in the car, resulting in a broken car seat, lots of tears, and feelings of being embarrassed and defeated. But we did it. Life didn't happen exactly how I wanted it to this year, and writing has helped me cope with grief and loss. Also, throughout the year, I found myself really aware of the impact phone and social media use had on my heart and my most important relationships. Unfortunately, awareness of a problem doesn't always create change, but slowly and steadily I'm learning my source of peace, and that isn't from comparisons or jealousy. On the days where awareness created changed, I've spent time in solitude before hopping on social media and my days looked so different. The first morning I did this I read, "...and she suffered a lot, mostly from the things that never came to be, " referring to worry. Those words were meant for me, and every day, God has more important words for me than what I read about status updates. Earlier in October I printed off 1,073 pictures and put them in albums so my kids don't have to login to Facebook to see Austin and I's love story, their birth, ect. A lot of mixed tears came with putting together the albums, joy in reliving a perfect proposal that tells a story of redemption, regret in remembering a hard first year of marriage, and gratitude for the challenging, yet ever-so endearing Mr. T, who forever changed my life. I grew, and there is more growing to do. I know 2016 will bring pictures (possibly more than ever), both shared and treasured. I also know Austin and I are committed to being present parents. We want to start off well. We want to do real adventure, real love, and real life. Please, hold us accountable to this. I don't have a concrete resolution for 2016 (a far fetch goal is to finish the Riverbank 25k to keep the tradition alive, but please, no accountability on that one), but I've known since I was 5-years-old carrying around a fake set of keys and all my "babies" that my call was to be a godly wife and mother. I resolute to being a present wife and mother, that our little one would know the importance of authenticity, being in relationship with others, and living a life worth of the one he is called to. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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