It's mental health awareness week and I'd like to start by saying I was in therapy way before it was cool and socially acceptable to talk about. Jokes aside, I've seriously been in and out of therapy for a majority of my life beginning at age 11 and as most recent as last year.
The last time I sought mental health treatment was after Nick was born and right before I was pregnant with Jade. It changed my life, which may sound dramatic but undeniably true. It was a combination of therapy and medication that actually worked. I think it was the first time I was properly diagnosed, medicated, and treated. I was given skills and tools to carry into every day life and eventually completed that stint of therapy. Although I'm not currently in consistent therapy, I'm able to recognize when I need a "booster session." Given my history, I think it's been easy for psychiatrists to diagnose me with PTSD and/or depression and/or anxiety. When I see myself on paper, all of those make sense but I'm thankful for the resident psychiatrist who took a little more time during evaluation and diagnosed me with OCD. I received treatment under a different umbrella and it was the first medication I actually felt relief from. I was surprised by the diagnosis because most of what I thought I understood about OCD was based off stereotypes. I'm not compulsive about tidiness or cleanliness (if you've been to my house you know this). I struggle more with the mental aspect of intrusive and repetitive thoughts, especially when it comes to the safety of my kids and family. Being obsessive has lead to anxiety, shortness, irritability, and low frustration tolerance. It's not fun to live hand in hand with any of those things and the combination of medication and solid therapy/CBT tools have taken the edge off and let me live a lot more joy-filled life. What am I doing to best manage my mental health right now? Here's a few things: 1. I talk about it and make my needs known. Mental health conversations are frequent in the Stone household. I'm a very self-aware person and Austin has come to recognize when I'm not doing well too. He gives me time when I need it, to write, sleep, run, read, take a bath, go with friends, or hit up Goodwill. My family is also aware of my struggles and I receive so much support from them and love them so much. I get frequent breaks from motherhood and honestly don't feel too much guilt because I know they usually have more fun getting spoiled by their grandparents and aunties than they do with me. 2. I use the skills learned in therapy. One of my favorites when I'm anxious, "What is the worst possible outcome of this situation?" "What's the most likely outcome of this situation?" "How can I cope with either outcome?" 3. I don't follow fitness accounts on Instagram. My mental health is largely impacted by how I feel about myself. I know I'm on the cusp of transformative years of my life when it comes to defining health and instilling self-worth. Fitness accounts, "before and afters," health defined by weight, people trying to sell me products, just don't help me and make me feel awful about myself so why slam my feed with images that make me feel less than? 4. I'm learning to accept treated mental health and true healing may result in continued weight gain for me. Freaking hard but I'm doing it. So I move to move because I love to move. I don't focus on time or calories burned. I love myself most when I feel strong, smart, and capable. 5. I say no. It's the best part of being an adult. I take on less, and if something I committed to isn't working out, I'm honest about my shortcomings versus stressing out trying to perfect myself. So there's a snapshot of my mental health history. I share it with you in hopes of normalizing this: 1. Mental health effects so many people, you're not alone. I'm a MSW. When I was getting my master's I focused on interpersonal practice and mental health. I've provided paid therapy services to others. Textbook, I get it. Real life, I struggle with it. Nothing to be ashamed of if you do too. So many people do because life is hard, unexpected, and not always easy to navigate. 2. Therapy can be life changing. It's honestly a miracle I found myself in therapy as an adult. After many "failed" attempts throughout my childhood and teenage years, it would have been easy for me throw in the towel. If you've seen a crappy therapist, one who asked you if ambulances remind of your brother's death when they didn't but they do now, keep trying. There are so many incredible and highly trained therapists out there who can help you better navigate life. 3. Medication can help. This is the hardest one for me to admit. I've always started medication with the intent to get off of them as soon as possible, "when I feel better" which is usually when the medication actually started working (thank goodness I get that now). How's your mental health? How do you work to improve your mental health or cope with illness? Do a mental health "self check", check in with your family and friends (even the "strong ones") and be kind. "I am learning (slowly) not to force things, but to allow them. Less muscling. More opening, softening, making space. My white knuckle grip doesn't help anyone. And fighting for what matters usually looks mostly like letting go of what doesn't."
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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