Last night we had to take our little buddy to the ER for the first time because of a high fever. For some of us, life at 25 looks something like this right now:
1. We are equally worried about our son's health as we are about the bill we will get for taking him to the ER even though he have a great health insurance plan compared to most people. 2. We live in our parent's basement because renting in Grand Rapids is unaffordable (more than a house payment). 3. We can afford a house payment but we can't afford 20% down. Since we can't afford 20% down we will have to pay insurance on our mortgage until we can refinance. So we put an offer in on a 936sqft house and need to borrow money from my parents in order to close. 4. We went to college, to get good jobs, to be able to get health insurance and afford down payments on houses and ultimately live the "American Dream" (which we actually don't want at all) and are now in some serious student debt because one year of tution in grad school was $50,000. If I wasn't in a loan forgiveness plan my student loan payment would be more than my last mortgage. Work your way through college right? Wrong. I worked three jobs in grad school (tutor in Detriot Public Schools, nannied for a professor, and organized community events at an apartment complex in exchange for free rent), interned for free at U of M hospital 30 hours per week, and took 15 credits. I look at what we are doing, what we've done, and what we can change ALL THE TIME. We are the first to admit we aren't the best budgeters and have tried a lot harder the past 4 months. But we do go to bed most nights talking about plasma, uber, gofundme, etc and the pros and cons of a second job, the biggest con being less family time, which trumps everything. We don't want to be rich. We don't need a huge house. We have one reliable car. We want a BIG family, we want to foster again. We want all the babies, hope, and grace we can get and offer. It's hard to trust God that we will get to do the things we feel called to do when life feels so expensive. This could take a huge political turn but you all see enough of that on your newsfeed. So, for now I'm learning to be honest, struggling with patience and discipline, and have no choice but to trust that manna will continue to fall every single day. I would totally be the one taking more than I needed if I was in the original story. I'm thankful (privileged) to have parents that care so much, see my worries and encourage me (help us financially when we need to borrow) and remind me that I'm only 25 and have years ahead of me to get where I want to be. As I've said before, I know what I want and I always want it right now. I have a hard time seeing such broken systems and injustices and having to wait to join in (in the ways I want to, I realize I can get involved in several other ways) until we are at a better place financially. When I look at the world and the life I live this entire post is ridiculous. I am thankful for health insurance, modern medicine, a roof over my head, a nice car, a stellar education, a good paying job in the social work profession which is rare, clothes and shoes that fit, and solid support from friend and family. Keeping it real, life at 25 is more challenging than I thought it would be. Gratitude could replace my worry. I need to let it.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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