A few weekends ago I attended a gathering with several women from my church called IF. I find myself calling it a "women's conference/retreat" a lot, but it wasn't that. IF was different. A local church plant hosted and it started at 6pm on a Friday night (disclaimer I had to drink a huge coffee in order to be able to stay awake for the entire thing). After hours of worship and streamed sermons, we went home at 11. I was still mom the next morning. Diapering, feeding, cleaning up, all before 10am when I went back to the gathering for a few hours before jetting back home to host out of town friends. When it was over I was filled, eager, and encouraged. I was also scared. The whole premise of the gathering is "If you really believe God is real then...what?" "What if we followed God with perseverance instead of insecurity?" I was hit with a lot of questions and challenges that I'm still trying to process.
That's why we are calling this Part 1. If you haven't heard of Christine Caine before, I highly encourage you to look her up and listen. She's wildly funny but also delivers truth pretty darn directly. She mostly talked about spiritual perseverance. Right now I'm training for a half marathon in April and a 25k in May. Every week I spend hours hitting pavement running outside, running on a treadmill, going to bootcamp classes, and meal prepping (wow I miss Diet Coke SO much). I know exactly what it takes to accomplish this goal and I'm doing everything in my control to ensure I cross the finish line with the time I want. Why do I act like I have no idea how to build endurance when it comes to faith? I think I've been sincerely thinking for years that one day I'll wake up and things will "just be different." I'll feel "more connected," more "on fire." It just hasn't happened. If I want to grow in faith, and become a spiritual mother, it's going to take grit. It's going to take prayer, commitment to reading, surrounding myself with women and community who encourage and challenge me, and expectation that God is real and working. Most days I hate running, but I'm always glad I did it. I don't always have to enjoy spiritual disciplines but if I want change, I have to do it. Building spiritual endurance and persevering in faith isn't rocket science but sometimes it's easier to think that way to avoid being disciplined. I'm guilty. For goodness sakes we are 2 weeks into Lent where my goal was to read by the Bible every day and I've missed several days. The biggest reason I think I avoid building spiritual endurance is because I know it will change me (obviously). I'm not afraid to change, but I'm afraid of how it will change other relationships and what others might think. Let's be honest, authentic, well-lived out Christianity is so weird and counter-cultural. Christine talked Hebrews 12:1. 12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. The verse goes on and mentions endurance 3 times. The greek word for endurance means: Bear up under. To have patience. The power to withstand great pain and hardship. As Caine puts it, "Endurance and patience are pretty much cuss words in 2018." We want to be able to download an app for endurance. We think any pain and hardship is from the devil and Christine challenged me to think different. Sometimes when I haven't crossed certain finish lines (figuratively), I blame God when it really comes down to be refusal to endure because I'm uncomfortable and in pain. If I (trust me I'm not a natural runner) can endure blistered feet, sore legs, long miles, tears from mental frustration, I can endure some uncomfortable conversations, genuine love that the world will think is weird, and tears from unmet expectations and spiritual pain. PS: Notice the great cloud of witnesses part? I don't have to do this alone. Thank goodness. (Witnesses, not critics, not people who tell other people how they, "would have, should have, could of," done things. It's easy to be a critic). God has provided a lot of great witnesses to cheer me through the past 26 years, even some new ones in the past few months. Some are running right alongside me, some cheer from afar, I'm deeply grateful for both. Time to dig deep, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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