Like most holidays, your newsfeed is probably full of endearing Father’s Day posts today, all highlighting awesome dads. Mine is no exception, and I’m so thankful that I, too can share photos and stories about my dad and husband. We have our moments, but they are the best.
There is a lot we don’t see on social media today. You didn't see my family's grief (until now I suppose). My dad, who has lost a child, celebrates Father’s Day with two daughters when he should have a son (who might have kids by now) at the table too. I truly can’t fathom burying your 13-year-old son and having life carry on. Today, we are missing grandpas, pillars of our family. I wish so badly they could be here to see how our family has grown and how their legacy of love and faith continues to shape us. You don't see other people's "stuff" either. Father's Day can be messy and hard. Today I think of my work kids. Out of 13 kids, 1 has a 2-parent family and 1 regularly sees their dad. 2/13, 15%, not great odds. All of the kids I work with are involved in the juvenile justice system trying to break family cycles of poverty, incarceration, and chaotic family relationships. I'm convinced an active dad, or other male role model would drastically change the trajectory of their life. I think about our first and only foster son, my sweet Mr. T. Does he have a forever dad yet? What about his dad? Is he filled with grief today? I know with my entire being T’s dad wanted to be a good dad. I will never forget the way he looked at Austin and I and thanked us for loving T. Which leads me to think about all the people who have dads who struggle in their role as a dad due to mental health challenges, addiction, and dads who are abusive or absent. Then there are dads who are stellar dads but are pinned down by unfair policies and parenting time. There are dads who didn't have a choice to see their kids today. I think about my friends who have lost their dads and are navigating grief at the same time as they are navigating the most exciting times of their life as they get married and have kids. It’s not fair. Austin kept saying how thankful he was to get to be a dad today. It took us awhile to have Nick, Jade, not so much. There are people who invest an overwhelming amount of emotion, time, and finances into trying to have kids and it just doesn’t happen. There are refugee families ripped apart, leaving dads separated from their kids. There are kids who are scared, not knowing where there parents are or if they are alive. Sadly, I'm sure there are more stories making Father's Day hard. If you’re spending today feeling unseen in whatever your “dad situation,” (or lack of) is, I’m sorry and your pain and grief matter. They matter to God too. A perfect Father. “A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing.” (Psalm 68:5-6) “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1) Solution (Hillsong) Only You can mend the broken heart And cause the blind to see Erase complete the sinners past And set the captives free Only You can take the widows cry And cause her heart to sing Be a Father to the fatherless Our Savior and our King We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet We will run this race On the darkest place, we will be Your light We will be Your light We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet We will run this race for the least of these In the darkest place, we will be your light We will be your light Men, be hands and feet. Invest in our male youth. If you ever want to be a mentor, I have kids. They want to play catch, shoot hoops, learn to fish, eat wings, go to the races, take car rides, be seen, heard, and cared about. Be a foster parent, it will be the best, hardest thing you do. It will change you for the better forever. House refugees. My parents currently have a refugee family, who have become an extension of family, living in their home because love does. Men, volunteer in children’s ministry at your church, kids need to see God’s work matters to people besides women who already have the kids in the program. Old dads, encourage young dads. Tell them its okay if it's hard. Remind them there will always be work but there might not always be opportunities to spend with your family. Men, acknowledge your friend's losses. Ask your friends how they are doing, bring up the hard stuff. Rejoice with those rejoice and grieve with those who grieve. Happy Father's Day.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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