In high school English class, I was taught to remember my audience when writing. The difficult part of announcing our pregnancy on Facebook is knowing there are several readers in my audience who have struggled with infertility and miscarriage, longing to hold a baby in their belly. You reader and friend, are closest to my heart in sharing our news.
Maybe you're closest to my heart because as we were trying to get pregnant, I felt joy after hearing of someone else expecting, but couldn't help but feel a twinge of "that hurt" too. I had no idea how to talk to other people about it without sounding selfish. Austin and I started "trying" in October 2014. We knew our foster care license was put on hold due to moving, yet we were eager to grow our family. You know what I honestly thought that first month? Of course we would get pregnant. My Christian education taught me you have sex and get pregnant that moment (and die if you're not married). No such luck. At the 6 month mark, I was pretty discouraged. It should be easier than this. I went to the doctor who suggested timed intercourse and temperature tracking. You know what puts a fair amount of pressure on your relationship? Timed intercourse and temperature tracking. Anywho, once we found out our foster care license was about a month out, we actively stopped trying. Well, God had different plans. Two days after Mr. T's arrival, I knew something was up and headed to the doctor scared out of my mind. Well, first I took a pregnancy test in the Mcdonalds bathroom betweens home visits. Here we are 3 months pregnant, very surprised by God's timing. This might be one of those TMI post, if you think so move along, but I think it's so important for people to know that behind our announcement on Facebook there is a story. It didn't "just happen" right away for us, and after walking alongside several friends trying to get pregnant, I'm pretty convinced it doesn't "just happened" right away for a lot of people and sometimes not at all. There are deep hurts and pains in every aspect of life, trying to grow a family is no exception. I challenge you to share the not-so-exciting news of struggle and grief with those who will honor your story and walk alongside you as you journey. I wish I would have started to share my fears and worries sooner. There are definitely lessons I've learned throughout the past 8 months that can't be captured by the Pinterest-perfect pregnancy announcement. (Disclaimer: our announcement photo is a google imagine. Time and creativity are greatly lacking right now). For those who experienced a "that hurt" moment after seeing our post, allow yourself to feel it. It's awfully confusing to try to sort out such grief for yourself and joy for someone else. Know that I am praying for you. For those of you reading who long to carry a baby but know it's unlikely you will do so, I pray for you too. I've fumbled for quite some time with how to wrap this post up. Maybe your "that hurt" moment didn't come from a place of infertility or miscarriage. Maybe it came from a place of "how long will I be stuck in this season where it seems like nothing is changing?" or "will I ever find the one to start a family with?" I don't know where you're at right now. The only conclusion that I've come up with is life is full of events that include both grief and joy, more glaringly so in adulthood. Let's start the hard conversations and learn how to better do this journey. I fully believe it will lead to greater, fuller, and more genuine joy in our lives.
5 Comments
Jean stone
7/23/2015 08:40:08 am
I got pregnant the first month with Emily so a few years later when we wanted another it wasn't happening. I went to the Dr. Whom said don't worry it sometimes takes longer the 2nd time he didn't know how scary it is to wait almost 2 years I was prayed over then took Clomid fertility med one time and it worked we got our Austin. It was Gods perfect timing it was hard to be patient.
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Stephanie
7/23/2015 08:56:59 am
13 years of marriage....12 years of trying....7 years of foster care...2 BEAUTIFUL adoptions!!!!! Still waiting to see what God has in store for us.......................
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Kate
7/23/2015 12:01:07 pm
Haley. You always are so great with words! Your faith and love inspire me so very much. I feel like i can totally relate. To be honest i have started writting this LONG message about 9 times and keep deleting after paragraphs of writting because i don't know what to really respond with. I can't express myself the way with words as great as you can. But i want you to know I felt a deep conection with you as i was reading your story! Thanks for sharing these stories with us. You are so strong and i am proud i get to say we are family now.
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macie
7/23/2015 12:58:13 pm
As I read this post tears began rolling down my cheeks. Not because I had a miscarriage in May. But because You are such a great person Hailey words can't describe your love for others. God does have a plan for everyone after my miscarriage I struggled with asking myself why me? Did I do something wrong? It played over in my head every night as I prayed. I begged god to make me understand after trying for so long. Let me tell you that god gave me a sign and i understood exactly what his plan was. My relationship with god is so much stronger now. God bless you both its an amazing gift.
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3/14/2016 01:25:24 pm
It should be easier than this. I went to the doctor who suggested timed intercourse and temperature tracking.
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Hi! I'm Haley. Archives
May 2019
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