Dear Nick,
Your birthday is on Tuesday. This year, you would have been 26-years-old. The last birthday we celebrated with you here on earth, you turned 13. I can vividly remember your last earthly birthday. Mom and dad bought you a Schwinn BMX bike and you were absolutely ecstatic. Seriously Nick, the biggest smile I have ever seen. Do you want to know what hurts more than losing you Nick? Losing my memories of you. I promised myself I would never forget that huge smile, or booming laugh, or innocent brown eyes, or huge heart. And yet, if I'm completely honest with you and the rest of the world, I find myself forgetting. I think that the counselors who gently taught us " the stages of grief" forgot to mention a stage: grieving what you forget. I hate that I feel like I am beginning to forget parts of you, and yet I try to give myself grace, remembering that it was never my plan to live this life without you. Nick, I trust his plan for me and our family. I thank God daily for pictures that remind me of who you were, and who our family was before this monster named grief crept in. I ask God daily for clear memories of you and that your legacy of love will continue to live on in our community. It is so important for me to one day, tell my kids all about their Uncle Nick. Although my memories are not as clear as I imagined they would be 13 years later, there are things that I do remember. You lived one of the most inspiring lives of anyone I know. You wore your heart on your sleeve. You had a genuine understanding of what life was truly about. You cared about people, Nick. You wanted to make sure everyone had a friend. You were so stinking goofy. You instigated. You were an incredible athlete. You protected. You loved Jesus with all of your being. One of my favorite memories? You loved tradition and you loved Christmas. Rewind 13 years ago on Christmas Eve and you, me, and Olivia would be sitting in the living room watching A Christmas Story all night long trying to catch mom fill our stockings. (I think I get my love for all things Christmas from you). You made me better. You are a memory, and the best one I could ask for. Thanks for making better as I strive to tell a better story. Nick, I so badly wish that this year, life was as simple as celebrating a Schwinn BMX bike. It's hard to believe that this year, we are remembering you the same amount of years we were celebrating with you. We ask God for peace, perseverance, and purpose every day as we remember you Nick. All of my love, Your little sister, Haley
6 Comments
Katelyn Roskamp
12/14/2014 09:59:58 am
perfectly written.
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Barbara Zuidema
12/14/2014 09:29:33 pm
Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your heart, and for sharing it with us. This really wrenched my heart, and made me wish I could ease your pain. We still love him and miss him so. Blessings Haley.
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Tammy Groen
12/16/2014 08:46:39 am
What a beautiful tribute Haley!
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Charlie Walter
12/18/2014 10:48:13 am
Reading this all the way in Fort Worth, Texas.
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6/25/2016 12:10:38 am
A Christmas Story all night long trying to catch mom fill our stockings. (I think I get my love for all things Christmas from you).
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8/2/2018 12:55:47 am
Playing poker online is a great pastime for a number of people. These people range in age from the just barely legal when it comes to playing poker online to people who are much older and looking to have a source of fun and excitement.
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